Unconscious bias

I was raised to believe everyone enjoyed sailing. Some a lot, and others were more “fair weather” sailors. The first type, those who loved to sail any place, any time, in any weather, were considered normal. Those who would only sail for a short duration in good sailing conditions were still sailors, but on a lower level.

Then there was another group entirely: those who categorically disliked sailing. They were only spoken of on rare occasions, and often in lowered voices. It took me years to realise these people were not bad people or lacking moral. They were simply, in the eyes of the others, outside the norm. Most of them were wives or children of the men my father sailed with. For whatever reason, they didn't like sailing. They would come at the end of the regatta for the celebrations, but they were never to be seen on board.

Still, the way they were talked about was patently terrible. Such people, especially the wives and any teenage children, were seen as difficult, selfish, overly sensitive, and just plain stubborn. If they would only put in the effort, surely, they’d see it was fun. That was the story, at least.

As children, we never questioned this sort of judgement. We absorbed it without a second thought. There was an unspoken “us” and “them” in everything. A feeling of superiority settled into us. My siblings and I were “real troopers.” No matter how miserable the weather or how long the race, we kept doing what we were asked to do. We were the hardy ones, the loyal crew, willing to endure the cold, the boredom, the sudden squalls and endless hours trimming the sails and manning the winches.

When we finally tied up on the dock and saw the wives and children coming to meet their husbands and fathers, we felt a kind of pity for them. Sometimes, their mere presence at the end of the regatta seemed cheeky. Showing up only for the celebrations and dancing, made it seem as if they hadn’t earned the right to be there.

It never crossed our minds that perhaps they had the clearer sense of what was worth enduring. And really, sailing on boats is 80% discomfort and hard work, 10% nice and easy, and 10% bliss. Who, in their right minds, would sign up for that?